


I’m Still Me

by strategichoe



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: By slow burn I mean slooowwwww, F/M, Farkle is Protective, Isadora is as cute as it gets, Lucas is a worried idiot, Maya and Zay are Potterheads, Maya didn’t become Riley, Riley is completely clueless, Slow Burn, Writer!Zay, Zay Maya and Isadora do movie nights, Zay and Maya form a bromance, and this is sort of ‘what if Maya didn’t just go along with everything Riley said’, because that is a trio I can get behind, but what else is new, fanfic writer!Zay, its a lot of the friendships before lucaya get together
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:28:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25061644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strategichoe/pseuds/strategichoe
Summary: In which Maya stands up for herself instead of being pushed to an identity crisis. Learning more about herself in the process, and that the people around her have her back.
Relationships: Farkle Minkus/Riley Matthews, Lucas Friar/Maya Hart
Comments: 11
Kudos: 50





	1. Let Your Words Be Anything But Empty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maya gets advice from a friend and a stranger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter song: Brave by Sara Barielles

"You want me to go home?" She felt her voice close to breaking, but she continued anyway. "I'll go home." 

She didn't bother sparing Riley another look as she climbed out the window and down the fire escape.

Her heart felt like it was in her throat the entire walk to the Subway. Usually, The Village at night seemed beautiful with it's lights and the tourists amazed expressions. That often made her feel at peace. But now it only made her angry. Because this was Riley's neighborhood. The liveliness only reminded her of Riley. Who, up until an hour ago, was someone who could never hurt her. But now...Riley not only hurt her, but now she made her mad at Riley. 

And the worst part, the worst part of it all was it's not entirely Riley's fault. They did this, they all did this with the Riley Committee. And Riley's started to become the bad type of naive. The naive that causes problems amongst peers.

And by peers, that of course meant Maya because no one else spent as much time around the brunette as the blonde did.

But did spending all this time with her best friend really mean she became Riley? No. But does it really seem like she's Riley now? Maya's acted like Riley before, during the yearbook mess. But she found out then that she wasn't interested in being Riley. She loved Riley, she did. But she by no means was Riley. She liked being herself. Especially now that hope seemed to be coming around for her, and Shawn didn't seem like he was planning to up and leave.

She wasn't angry at herself anymore. She knows now that her father leaving isn't her fault. She is happy, for the first time, she's happy and it's not a mask.

This past year is probably the most her she's ever felt. That is, until she was told that she's Riley.

When she stepped off the stairs and near the boarding area she froze. She really didn't want to go home. Her Gammy would start asking questions. Questions Maya wasn't sure she could answer.

So she sat on the bench, a sigh escaping her.

Her gaze fell to all the people. People getting off the trains. People going on the trains. People who knew who they are. People who probably never had to go through being accused of being their best friend. People who could grow without hassle.

Maya watched as a girl in a yellow dress and yellow flower crown was cleaning up the trash from the ground.

What if that girl hadn't always been that way? What if she was once jaded? Would she have been told she was becoming a Riley? Or is that something that's just specially designed for herself?

Maya was pulled from her thoughts when another person sat on the bench. "Hey Little Dollie. You still watching the people I see." It wasn't a question, Crazy Hat's expression was knowing, and wise. Maya guessed that would never change.

"Oh. Hi Evelyn. It's been awhile." She planted a smile on her face, hoping the mask might untangle her thoughts.

"What happened to Crazy Hat? I rather liked that nickname." The woman gave Maya's arm a small but gentle poke.

Maya looked over at her, and for a moment, thought about how Crazy Hat had always been kind to her. Even after she called her a bum on a bench. Maybe she could offer advice? The woman seemed wise enough—

No.

They weren't that close. And Crazy Hat had a lot more important things to do than listen to some teenager's teenage angst.

"Oh, I guess I kind of spaced out for a second."

There was shuffling to Maya's left and when she turned to look, Crazy Hat had her eyes narrowed in question. "You seem..." The businesswoman started to say but Maya cut her off.

"Not myself?" It was bad enough Riley was telling her this but now Crazy Hat was too.

"Troubled." She said, her tone implying that's what she had meant originally.

Maya looked at her lap at that, her fingers starting to play with themselves. "I'm not. I'm okay." Her lips rolled in briefly and she offered another smile. "I'm always okay."

"Oh, yeah, that's good."

Maya let out a small sigh when Crazy Hat didn't see through her—

"Now I'm gonna ask you again, and this time give me an honest answer. What's got you down Dollie?" Crazy Hat was looking at her with a stern gaze, but somehow, Maya knew she cared. And that she could trust her.

Maya took a deep breath before she said. "You know my friend, Riley?"

"The taller Dollie, yes."

"She says I've turned into her." Maya looked at her lap, a frown making its way to her face. Her hands started to grip onto the bench beneath her. "She thinks that because I'm getting behaving and happier, that I'm suddenly her." She shook her head. "I love Riley. I do. But I just don't see how she would be right about this."

Crazy Hat leaned in close. "Let me let you in on a little secret. Maya frowned but waited for whatever secret it was.

"She's not."

"What?" Maya's voice was quiet.

"The other Dollie isn't right. I've watched you two come through this Subway stop and you are not the same person." Crazy Hat seemed to get more serious now. "People are gonna tell you who you are your whole life. You just have to look them straight in the eye and say 'no, this is me, this is who I am.' You want people to look at you differently? Make them. You want people to see you for who you are? Show them exactly who you are." 

Maya was quiet for quite a bit after that. When she spoke up it was quiet. "And if they don't listen?"

"Make them." The businesswoman's voice was a statement. She made it seem like it was all so simple. "Make them listen. Doesn't matter how. Raise your voice, or stare them down until they listen."

"I suppose I can try that." Maya bit her lower lip, unsure.

"I can't hear you Dollie."

"I'll try that." Maya repeated, looking up at Crazy Hat and her voice going louder than the mumble she'd been using.

"I still can't hear you. August, do you hear anything?" She looked to the cop on duty a few feet away from them.

"No, no I don't think that I do."

"I'll tell Riley I'm me." Maya repeated, louder now.

"What?" Both Crazy Hat and the cop asked.

Maya let out a sigh before she raised her voice once more, not quite yelling, but too loud to count as a speaking voice. "The next time she tells me I'm her I will tell her that I am Maya Penelope Hart, just like I have been and always will be."

Crazy Hat was smiling at her with a proud smile. "That—that right there is a roar. That is how you will get your voice heard."

Maya glanced down at that, a small smile pulling at her lips.

The cop spoke then. "So. You have a pig nose to go with that middle name?"


	2. I Let My Guard Down (And You Pulled The Rug)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Farkle is protective of his girls  
> Zay is the number one lucaya shipper  
> Lucas is worried and flumaxed  
> Riley is a bad combination of stubborn and clueless  
> Maya is still Maya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter song: Somebody You Loved by Lewis Capaldi

"It's Riley. It's always been Riley." He grabbed the bag of purple jelly beans and set it on the scale. Zay and Farkle let out sighs of relief.

Although Zay looked a little bummed.

"Except-" Lucas started.

"WHAT?!?" Farkle's voice was more violent than necessary, which Lucas wasn't sure he really wanted to ask why.

"It was Maya who pushed her. It was Maya who did that for Riley because that's who Maya is." He put the bag of yellow jelly beans on the scale.

He was at a loss. This was supposed to help him choose, only now he's right back to where he started.

"Okay." Farkle said. "Good experiment. Except this isn't about jelly beans."

"It's about us Lucas." Zay continued. "This decision could change who we all are together, so make it a good one."

Lucas pursed his lips at that.

It's not like there was any pressure or anything.

"Okay." He spoke slowly. "So maybe this doesn't come from one single question. Maybe, the answer is in more than one question."

"Well," Farkle began. "Any relationship is built on not one moment but a collection of moments. You could be on to something."

"Well good, because I still have half a list of questions left." Zay smiled. "I like making lists."

Farkle and Lucas shared a look before saying, "We know."

"Okay." Zay walked to where he originally grabbed the scale off the counter. He then handed Farkle the purple candies, and grabbed the yellow ones himself. "Who has the better smile?"

"Zay!" Lucas said. "You can't just compare them like that!"

"That is the literal purpose of this exercise. Comparing which you like more." Zay looked at him like he was dumb, which, coming from him, that stung. "So," Zay continued. "Who has a better smile. And don't overthink your answer, just answer."

He shook his head slightly before he said, "Maya."

Zay put a yellow bean on the scale. "Why?"

"What? What do you mean why?" Lucas hasn't been prepared for a follow up question.

"Why does she have the better smile?"

"Zay-"

"Hey! He's on to something here! Stop trying to screw it up!" There it was again. Farkle, and his raised voice. Why was this affecting him so much? It's not his choice. "You're making this big decision, you should know exactly why you're making it."

Lucas sighed. "Uh. Okay. . ." His lips pursed as he seemed to think for a beat. "I guess because it's more rare. Riley smiles at anything and everything. But if Maya's smiling it means she's happy."

Zay put another bean on Maya's side.

"Which girl would you want to help out with Texas Lucas?"

Before Lucas could say anything out of protest, Farkle said. "Just answer the question."

"Maya." Lucas sighed. "Maya would definitely be more helpful than Riley."

Zay put two beans on Maya's side. The scale tipping in her favor.

"Okay. Who would you rather have in your personal space?"

"Zay!"

"Hey!" Farkle snapped. "You lost any formalities of non-invasive questions when you decided to lead two of my best friends on for a whole year and dragging our whole friend group into it so just suck it up and answer the questions!"

"Geez, Farkle. Calm down." Zay looked like he was going to pat Farkle on the shoulder, but at last minute decided against it.

"I'm Canada! I can't calm down."

Zay and Lucas shared a look of confusion.

Farkle ended up calming down on his own, aside from some glares sent Lucas's way.

"So the question..." Zay cut in.

"Uh. Maya, I guess. When Riley and I were holding hands it was awkward and stiff."

"But why Maya?" Zay pressed.

"Did I not just say-"

"I know what you said but I need to hear a better answer."

"Well, when Maya goes up to my face I get a feeling that no one, not even Riley-" Lucas froze at that.

Oh.

_Oh._

"It's Maya." He was genuinely stunned. But, everything was starting to make sense.

Yeah.

It's _Maya_. Of course it's Maya.

How did he miss this?

"Maya's the one I choose." When he looked back at Zay and Farkle, Zay was pouring all the beans onto Maya's side. Farkle looked relieved.

*** * ***

This was _bad._

Maya knew it the minute Mr. Jackson mentioned looking at her painting again.

The _one_ time she paints a purple cat, just to see why Riley got so much joy out of it and her whole identity is questioned.

When her painting was held up it was worse.

She hadn't done a good job covering it up, there was no point in hoping Riley didn't see it.

"Maya-"

She could hear the accusation in Riley's voice.

This was bad.

"Look-" She barely managed to say. "It's a purple cat."

This wouldn't help her case at all.

How is she gonna convince Riley now?

Maya couldn't help it as she bit her lower lip.

This was going to be a _long_ day.

"She's me." Was the first thing out of Riley's mouth when they walked into the Mathews apartment.

"I'm not." Maya followed after her.

Matthews and Topanga were at the table, and they both seemed unsure of what to say. Which _did not_ make Maya feel better. They were the adults! They should be giving advice right about now!

"Now, let's not rush into anything-" Matthews started.

"Look at her! She's different! She's me!"

Matthews and Topanga shared a look. They didn't agree with Riley.

But they weren't telling Riley she was wrong. Why weren't they correcting Riley's mistake? Why weren't they sticking up for her? They said they would.

Well.

That just means she'll have to advocate for herself.

Against Riley.

It wouldn't be the first time.

"I'm different, but I'm not you."

"Maya."

There it was. That tone again. Like there was something _wrong_ with her. Like who she is now was a _problem_.

"No." She blurted. She wanted that tone to stop. "I know what you're gonna say, and just don't."

Riley didn't say anything after that but she looked at Maya with a crease to her brow, and a tilt of her head.

Which was worse. Riley was looking at her like she needed to be fixed.

And yes, for the majority of her life she was broken and in need of fixing. But not anymore. She was better.

Why was she the only one who could see that?

"Stop looking at me! Stop trying to fix me! I don't need to be fixed!" Her voice had raised. Because maybe that's the only way to get Riley to listen.

She looked at Riley's parents. "And stop just sitting there! Why aren't you giving us a life lesson? or words of advice? You're the adults, why aren't you helping?" Her voice had cracked.

She couldn't believe she was in a position where she had to stick up for herself to person she loved most in this world and people she saw as second parents.

She looked at all three of them, and Riley still held that _look_ , and her parents looked remorseful.

So, Maya did what her father taught her, and she ran. Out of the kitchen and to the bay window.

She pulled her knees to her chest. She thought she would start crying but nothing happened. She could only stare ahead.

She was here. Only a few months ago.

Crying.

Worried.

Where Riley and Farkle had both told her change was a good thing. That they were growing up.

And now that she changed it's bad? It made no sense. None of this did.

Now that it crossed her mind she couldn't stop thinking about that day.

About Farkle talking about the seven years. About them imagining and remembering what they were like and what they would be like in the future.

How Riley said she changed. How Farkle had changed.

She looked around at the room.

How the window had changed.

Everything around her changed. She wasn't supposed to change with it?

Riley walked in then, and Maya wasn't sure she wanted to know what took Riley so long to come after her. The other girl sat on her usual spot, the right side while Maya was on the left.

"Maya." Riley said, and even as she said it that tone was still there. "You have to admit that you haven't acted the same in a long time."

"I did admit that I'm different. But I know that I'm not you. Why can't _you_ see that?"

"You haven't ever got a good grade or cared about what others think of you. You're different. You're not the same person you were."

"Because I'm older!"

"Because you're me."

Riley was really hellbent on being right. She was always like that. But _why_ does she find it so surprising that she could be happy?

Was her happiness really that wrong for her to accept?

"Why can Farkle change without you saying he's turning into Lucas? Why can Smackle change without you saying she's changing into me?" She had looked at Riley now, a sting in her eyes and the wet feeling of tears against her cheeks. "What's wrong with me being a better person?"

"Being a better person doesn't mean turning into another." Riley put her hand on Maya's shoulder. A touch that would have felt comforting, but now only felt invasive. So she pushed Riley's hand away.

"Being a better person doesn't mean I've become someone else. It just means I've changed."

She stared at the cherry floor in front of her. Her heart breaking just a little more with every moment of Riley doubting her.

Riley didn't say anything after that. But Maya could feel her stare.

Neither girl said anything. What else was there to say? They clearly weren't about to come to an agreement any time soon.

It wasn't very long, of them sitting in a tense silence, before Maya heard the oh so familiar voice of Huckleberry.

"I wanted to tell you guys earlier but Farkle suggested I wait and sleep on it, but I've made a-" The boy sounded excited up until the point he cut himself off. Where he then sat himself beside the blonde, his tone changing to worry. "Maya, what's wrong?"

Oh right. The tears. She's still crying.

And now there's an audience for it. _Great._

"Riley seems-"

"It's stupid. She's just overreacting because she's in denial."

Maya looked at Riley then.

She _did not_ just say that.

" _Stupid?_ My identity being questioned is _stupid_?" She could feel her voice break. "I'm just _overreacting_?"

"Yes. Maya. You are. Face the facts, you're me. And you've been acting like it for awhile now."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I was confused about it too Hee-Haw." She looked at him briefly, and he only looked confused and worried. With good reason. This situation was just ridiculous.

She looked back at Riley, remembering what Crazy Hat told her. "Okay. You want to look at the facts? Let's look at the facts. You tell me what you think is a fact and I'll refute. Because this is _my_ identity you're questioning, and it is _me_ you're trying to change the life of."

Riley frowned at that. "Don't phrase it like that."

"Well how else should I phrase it? 'You're trying to fix someone who doesn't need to be fixed?' 'You're trying to tell someone else who they can and can't be?' 'You're trying to tell someone they can't be a better person?' 'You're-"

"Stop." Was all Riley said. Seeming hurt.

Yeah. _She_ was the one hurting. _Riley._

"Well. You two don't seem to need me so I'm going to-"

"No." The blonde looked at him. " _You_ of all people understand changing for the better. I need you here to back me up."

He looked at her before he melted back into the seat and gave her a nod.

The corners of her lips pulled into a small smile. She didn't have to raise her voice to get _him_ to listen.

When Maya looked back at Riley the other girl looked deep in thought. Or angry. Maya couldn't tell. "Go on." Her voice was louder this time. Sharper.

Damn Riley. Damn being put in this situation. Damn life. It had to find some way to ruin her happiness. And it used her best friend.

"Tell me one of these _facts._ "

Riley only stared at her. The glanced to her side, where Lucas was sitting. Then the girl sighed. "You've been getting good grades Maya. You've never cared about school like that."

"I got _one_ good grade and it was in Spanish because my Gammy's best friend is Latina. So I've picked up quite a bit of the language."

"You told me you picked it up in your neighborhood."

Maya wasn't sure she liked the accusation in Riley's tone. "How do you think they became friends?"

Not seeming to have a response to that, Riley moved on. "You've been dressing differently."

"Because Shawn bought me new clothes."

"Yeah, but you've been dressing like _me_." Riley looked smug. Like that proved everything.

"You helped me pick them out!" She was trying so hard not sound offended. . .despite already having cried.

"You've been behaving! You haven't been in detention! You're not you! If you were you you would be a rebel! You would be being a bad influence!"

"Has it ever occurred to you maybe I don't _want_ to be a bad influence?" There it was again. The sting. The awareness of her eyes. The tightness in the throat.

This was all Riley saw her as. A bad influence. A bad kid. A bad person.

"Maya, that's crazy. You've always loved being bad."

"No. _You've_ loved me being bad. Bad was a cover. A wall. To hide how sad I really was." She bit her lip the minute that left her lips.

Shit.

She should not have said that. The last thing she wanted was Riley's pity.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and when she looked to who it belonged to there was just understanding there. _He understood her_. There wasn't any pity in his hazel eyes. Unlike the brown eyes that were boring into her skull.

Before she could stop herself, she found her hand laying on top of his for a brief moment, wanting to let him know she appreciated the comfort.

She sniffled before removing her hand and looking to Riley, who looked ready to say something, but Maya needed to get this out. Needed to say it. Needed Riley to hear it. "You think I want you to first assume I stole things I couldn't afford? Yeah. I remember that, even if it was years ago. Because that _hurt_ Riley. You think I _like_ everyone having low expectations of me? You think I want to spend every day in detention?"

At some point she felt the hand leave her shoulder, and she found herself missing the contact.

"Well if you've hated being bad the whole time then why haven't you changed before?" Riley clearly didn't seem to think she was telling the truth. Riley was giving her a look of distrust that sent a pang to her chest.

"Because I had no reason to."

"And now you have a reason?"

"Shawn. Hope. I'm growing." She doesn't hate herself as much anymore.

Maya was careful not to add that last part.

"That would just make you happier. Not completely change into someone else."

She threw her arms out with an exasperated sigh.

What the _fuck._

What. The. Fuck.

Will _nothing_ get through to her?

"Well I changed when I came here, became. . .Moral Compass, and I'm still me. I think the same can be said for Maya."

She let out a breath. Someone else agreed with her. She wasn't alone in this.

"How can you say that?" Riley seemed personally offended.

Huckleberry just looked confused. "How can I not? I'm sorry Riley but I think Maya is right about this. And anyway I think the only person who should decide who Maya is is Maya."

"Yeah." She felt her heart stutter at his words, instead of react to it, she looked to Riley. " _I_ should decide who I am!"

"But who you are is turning into me. Didn't you say you didn't know who you are? Well I know who you are and you're not acting like who you are."

She hesitated. That was a good point. She wasn't all that sure who she was at the moment. "I know who I was. And I know who I want to be. And I know that I'm not you and I don't want to be you. I had a chance to be you last year and I turned it down."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. Riley. Just- Look. I'm me. I'm the same Maya I've always been, just better. Happier. And there's nothing you can say or do that will convince me I'm you. Because I'm not you. And I don't need to be fixed. I'm not broken anymore."

"The same Maya you've always been wouldn't be talking like this. Wouldn't be behaving like this."

"Maybe, I'm not the problem." She looked at her hands. She couldn't believe what she was about to say. What she _was forced_ to say. "Maybe you just think too low of me."

"Maya that's ridiculous! I've always wanted you to be happy! I've always wanted you to have a life you're proud of."

"Yeah? Then how come when I _am_ happy, you accuse me of being you?"

"Because you haven't been acting like you."

"Because I haven't been acting out, you mean. Because I don't dress like a street urchin, you mean. Because I haven't been shoving my feelings into a dungeon of sadness. you mean. _Because I'm not someone you need to fix_ , you mean."

"Maya, that's not what I meant and you know it."

"Hey, uh, maybe we should take a break. Take some space before we say anything we might-"

"Yeah? What _do_ I know Riley? Since you seem to think you can do all my thinking for me. Since you seem to be so well versed in Maya-ology. Since you seem to think there's only one side to me, that the only Maya Hart is the one that was mad at her father and the world. Well here's something you probably don't know. I'm angry now. But not at my father. No. Now, now I'm angry at you."

"-regret." Huckleberry let out a sigh.

"You're mad at me? What did I do?"

"What did you _do_? What did you _do_? Exactly _why_ do you think we've been sitting in this window arguing for the past hour? Don't even answer. You know what Riley. I need a break." She stood up and walked more towards the bed.

"Okay, fine let's take a break. Get some food and-"

"No. _You._ I need a break from you. And all these expectations you have of me. And the triangle."

"You're not taking a break from me. We're forever."

"I'm not saying I want to stop being friends. I just need a break. This is exhausting. All of it. Aren't you exhausted?"

"Yeah." Lucas let out a humorless laugh.

"You said you weren't going to take a break. You'd be breaking a promise." Riley looked at her like she just said she hated her.

"And you promised being a safe place and then you used the things I loved most about me against me."

"Maya-" She was still using that Godforsaken tone.

"No, Riley. Until you stop trying to push me into an identity crisis I'm not talking to you." She looked at Lucas. "Congratulations Huckleberry. You get more time deciding who to choose because the triangle is paused. You can't really be in a triangle with just two people and your cowboy honor getting in the way."

Was she being harsh? Maybe. But she was tired. Just, really really tired.

Without another word, she crawled out the window and onto the fire escape. The sun was at least two inches away from the horizon, it was nearing four o clock.

This was the second time in a row that she left angry. And for the same reason too. She was at a loss, really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So-
> 
> That happened.
> 
> This chapter was a lot longer than I had planned it to be. And I feel like it's a mess? I don't know, but the situation the girls are in is a mess so I think it's okay?
> 
> And, I honestly, really love the "Character A puts their hand on Character B's shoulder and Character B puts their hand on Character A's hand." So I had to put it in even if it didn't make sense. I'm still a fangirl after all.


	3. Changing Isn't A Bad Thing (It Never Was)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zay and Maya grow closer.  
> Cory is in Maya's corner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter song: Understand by Shawn Mendes

Maya walked around the New York streets aimlessly, not sure what to do. Normally she would have chosen this time to wait for sunset, but that didn't seem to excite her like it used to.

A block away from the subway, she decided to go to Topanga's, maybe see what the other's were doing, if they were there.

After looking at the schedule and figuring out what train to take, she waited for it. Once she got on, she pulled out her phone and earbuds and opened the Spotify she shared with Riley. Hoping her playlist would distract her from everything that was going on with Riley.

The first song that played was Caught In the Middle by Paramore.

Which helped in _no way._

So she skipped to the next song. Which ended up being In Between by Quinn Lewis.

 _Seriously?_ This _had_ to be a coincidence.

She skipped again.

It ended up being The Cave by Mumford & Sons.

Okay. The universe definitely hated her.

She skipped again.

It ended up with Understand by Shawn Mendes.

Instead of skipping she just sighed and decided to listen to the song. She hadn't heard it in a _long_ time. But now. . .now she felt like for once, she finally understood it on a deeper level.

She related to it.

By the time it got to the monologue, she was hyper aware of her heartbeat.

And it was the _best_ feeling.

She felt infinite.

But the monologue, she didn't know why but as she listened to the words, they just stuck with her.

> _Changing isn't a bad thing._
> 
> _It never was._
> 
> _But at the end of the day, you know?_
> 
> _You're the same person._
> 
> _And where your heart is, that doesn't change._

No. She knew why.

Because it was _exactly_ what she needed to hear.

Maybe life doesn't hate her that much at all.

When she got to Topanga's she was feeling a lot better, thanks to her playlist.

Zay was there, but no one else from their group was there. He seemed to be writing in some sort of notebook.

"Sup." She sat down on the orange couch beside him. "You working on homework?"

"Homework." He didn't seem so sure. "Let's go with that."

"What? Is it not homework?" She moved to try and see what it was but he harshly moved the book out of sight. "Oh. Do you have a _diary_?" Oh she wanted to tease him about this.

"No, it's not a diary." The boy laughed.

"Then what is it?"

"I-"

Maya waited for him to continue.

"I can't tell you."

"What? Why not?" She whined. "Now I really want to know even more now that you said 'can't'."

"Maya, as my friend, can you please drop this?"

She sighed. "Okay. If it means that much to you, I'll leave it alone."

"Thank you." He smiled a small smile.

Oh, now she feels a little guilty about this.

"Oh wait, I'm still me." When Zay wasn't paying attention she snatched the book from his hands and stood up so she could read it away from his grasp.

Once she started reading though, she realized she recognized it as a story. And more for that matter, she recognized the characters.

"Wait. . .Is this. . .fanfiction." She grinned. Zay took the book from her, his face contorted in embarrassment. "You write fanfiction?"

"Yeah. Look, Maya, please can you-" He was waiting for the taunting, but she no longer was planning on doing that.

"That's so funny, I read fanfiction!"

Zay looked surprised at this. "You do?"

She scoffed. "Contrary to popular belief, I can read."

"I--Well, yes, I knew that. I just didn't know you read for fun."

"When I like it enough." She shrugged. Then she grabbed his arm and sat down on the orange sofa, pulling him along. Once he was sitting down as well, she let go of him. Then she sat criss-cross applesauce and facing him, her default gossiping position. "So, what do you write fanfiction for?"

"Harry Potter." He admitted, hesitantly.

This, this was where she grinned. "Harry Potter? Please tell me you ship Drarry!"

"I mean, how can you not?" Zay grinned right back at her.

"Can I read some more? I won't tell the others, just let me read your work. Please?" She clasped her hands together and brought the tips of her fingers to her lips, pulling off puppy dog eyes. She blinked a few times for effect.

"Normally I'd say no, but that is weirdly effective." He raised an eyebrow and handed her the book.

They ended up sitting like that for quite awhile, only stopping for snack breaks. Maya read it, and would occasionally give feedback or gasp at any plottwists.

Eventually she finished reading, and Maya ended up giving him some new ideas.

She even agreed to making some fanart based off of some of his work, he was just that good.

Maya was standing in the school hallway when she realized she was by no means ready to sit anywhere near Riley.

She hadn't even picked Riley up from the bay window today. She didn't feel bad, she was still angry. But it was surprising. She wasn't used to it.

And, she was hungry.

Really hungry.

She normally ate breakfast at the Matthews, and Gammy wasn't able to make food for her and her mom wasn't yet awake. She didn't want to be a burden and only ended up eating a granola bar.

She blinked. _One problem at a time, Maya_.

She saw Zay entering history so she quickly grabbed him by the arm and pulled him to the side.

This was perfect! She couldn't ask Farkle or Smackle, they should sit next to eachother. And she couldn't ask Lucas, he was already in enough difficult positions between her and Riley. And Zay practically ate up all the drama around them like it was popcorn.

"Well good morning to you too Maya." He huffed.

Maya briefly worried she pulled on him too hard and patted his shoulder, just to make sure she didn't pull it out of the socket.

Then she looked at Zay, "Can I ask you a favor?"

"Is it going to cause me physical pain?"

"No." Wow. People just really think low of her.

"Then yes, anything you need." He sent her a grin.

"Can we switch seats for all the classes we have with Riley?"

He blinked at that. "W-What?"

"Can we-" She started.

"No I heard you, I just, what happened with Riley? Was it the triangle?"

"No." She sighed. "She, she just accused me of a lot, and I'd really rather not get into it right now but I just, I can't be around her right now." Her voice came out more stressed than it should have.

"Oh, Maya." Zay's lower lip stuck out and his brows furrowed before he pulled the blonde into a hug. "Yes. We can switch seats. And I hope whatever this is, it gets better."

"Thank you Zay." She whispered.

Maya and Zay ended up coming in before the rest of their little group. Maya was in Zay's spot, and, it was weird. Really weird. The room was darker for some reason. Even though she only moved one desk back.

She leaned forward a bit to speak to Zay, who now sat in front of her. "It feels weird right? Does everything look different to you too?"

"Things look. . .closer."

That. . .that would make sense.

She pursed her lips.

Everyone else started walking in so Maya sat back.

There were looks of surprise from Smackle, Farkle, as well as looks of confusion before they took their seats.Huckleberry looked a mix of understanding and pained.

Riley was the worst, because she looked like a kicked puppy.

And Maya didn't even feel bad.

Seeing Riley only brought up that anger and she had to cross her arms to keep herself rooted to her seat and not just storm out then and there.

Mr. Matthews walked in and as usual he set his briefcase on the desk. But oddly, this time he had a lunchbox, which he also set on the desk.

He looked up and saw the switch in seats and he let out a small "Oh dear."

He seemed to hesitate before he started with the lesson, which somehow the whiteboard already had the lesson written on it.

"San Francisco." Matthews started. "What do you know about it?"

"It was built right on a fault line." Farkle pointed out.

"Which means what?"

"It's prone to Earthquakes." Zay cut in.

"Yes! A city that is prone to earthquakes. You'd think no one would want to live there, right?"

No one said anything.

"San Francisco is one of the highest populated cities in the United States because it's prone to earthquakes, but not devastation." Matthews started doing that walking thing he did when he got passionate about his lessons. "After the earthquake of 1906 they rebuilt the city and 83 years later, another quake hit. Did they rebuild or give up?"

"They rebuilt." Riley said, "The city's still here, isn't it?"

"Yes Riley. They rebuilt. But they changed quite a bit. They learned from the past and built a city that's better prepared when their world gets shaken up. San Francisco is constantly changing. Constantly growing. All these changes, has it turned into something else or is it still the same city?"

Oh.

_Oh._

_She's_ San Francisco.

Well played Matthews.

Maya smiled smally as she looked down.

"Of course it's the same city. It's just better. They decided not to let devastation and a little fault line define them. They defined themselves. Go San Fran! San Fran is the strong city!"

Mr. Matthews only raised his eyebrows at that. "Yes Riley. That's right. San Francisco is known for it's earthquakes. But it's more than that. Don't let your image of what something used to be cloud your judgement of what something is now. Observe the changes around you. The changes in your friends. Look a little deeper. Don't make assumptions based on a first glance. If something in your life is changing, embrace it. Learn from it. Because that's what nature is. Change. Growth. And you never stop changing and growing."

She couldn't help but glance at Riley, wondering if she was at all listening to this. But it was hard to tell just from the back of her head.

"You may find that people surprise you. In the best of ways." He looked at Maya as he said this, giving her a small smile. "Let them change, let them surprise you." He looked at Riley then.

When class ended, Maya got up to leave with everyone but Matthews spoke before she could make it to the door. "Maya, before you leave-"

"Is this about Riley? Because it's fine, really, we'll be friends again some time-"

"No." He spoke softly. "It's about your breakfast."

Where was he going with this?

"My. . .breakfast?" She frowned.

"You didn't think Topanga would let you go to school without any food, did you?" He took the lunch pale off his desk and held it out for Maya.

She blinked in surprise before she took it from him. "Oh." She couldn't help it as she smiled. "Thank you." She stepped forward and gave him a brief hug that he returned.

She grabbed her stuff and went to walk to class, but sent a thank you text to Topanga on the way there.

**Author's Note:**

> If the last line went right over your head, there's a movie about a girl with the nose of a pig and her name was Penelope.
> 
> This project has been in my drafts since 2017, and with nothing to do but stay at home in quarantine I decided to revisit it. The plot is decidedly different than what it was before, as my writing style is different and it's not set in Ski Lodge but a couple episodes before then. I just really wanted to write about Maya NOT being Riley. And what would have happened if more than just Riley and Maya dealt with how different she's been acting. And Evelyn was such a confident woman in the two episodes she was in, and in the event of Maya being told she's someone else, I thought she would be perfect for giving Maya advice. And I just really like her tbh.


End file.
